When Someone You Care about DiesExperiencing the death of a person you care about is probably the most painful and confusing event you ever have to face. Having it happen during the adolescent years when you are already dealing with the ups and downs of being a teenager, may feel unbearable at times. You may have a lot of strong feelings, questions, concerns, and opinions to sort out. It can be hard to make sense of it all.There is no right way to feel when you've suffered the death of someone you care about. Your feelings are as individual as you are and as unique as the relationship you shared. If you are looking for a list of what is "normal" about grief, you will be looking for a long time. There really is no "normal" about any of this grief stuff -- only basic guidelines with fuzzy lines in between. You think you are fine -- then you start crying. You think you are a wreck - then you can't cry. Sometimes grief feels manageable, and other times it feels beyond control. There are no hard-and-fast rules or signs. It can change from day to day -- or not at all.Don't try to underestimate how much is going on inside you. Even if you can't see it or understand, it's probably there. Teenagers feel deeply. Grieving teenagers feel even more deeply. The one thing you can count on is the fact that your emotions will surprise you, challenge you, and amaze you when you least expect it.Listed below are some links to helpful sites for teens, parents and teachers. If you have questions, or just need a trusted adult to speak to, please don't hesitate to come into the Counseling Office and ask to speak to me. REMEMBER: Avoid comparisons. Saying "my father died, too" shifts attention to a competing loss and away from the grieving student. Also, avoid trying to comfort a student with any sentence that beings with "at least." We shouldn't try to make light of the situation or find good in the sad. The goal should be to support grieving students by making clear to them that they are safe and have someone to talk to. It is a long-term process, not just a one-day or one-month challenge. And, too, saying NOTHING says a lot. That's a message we should never leave a child.